


Words In My Head, Knives In My Heart

by lizandletdie



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Rumbelle Showdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 21:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2041632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizandletdie/pseuds/lizandletdie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally published under the name "Verity" for the Rumbelle Showdown on Tumblr.</p><p>Rumpelstiltskin still suffers the effects of his time with Zelena, but Belle is there to give him comfort when he needs it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words In My Head, Knives In My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first hurt/comfort fic and it was written while heavily under the influence of “Human” by Christina Perri (it felt apt), which is where the title comes from. It’s in canon and set a week or two after Zelena’s inevitable defeat. This was written before the finale, so things get a little vague around Zelena's defeat.
> 
> My prompts were "Razor burn, “What a beast!”, Bad dream cuddle"
> 
> I hate that I have to do this, but apparently I do. If you're reading this fic anywhere besides AO3, it was posted without my consent and likely profited someone else. Please consider [donating](https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_donations&business=CZNGXGNP4PRX4&lc=US&item_name=The%20Mantis%20Fund&currency_code=USD&bn=PP%2dDonationsBF%3abtn_donate_SM%2egif%3aNonHosted) or swinging by my Tumblr (standbyyourmantis) to let me know what you thought!

_It_ _was dark –_ _it was very dark, and_ _he_ _was afraid. He knew_ _that she would return, and when she did he had no idea what she would do. Despite the darkness, he could feel eyes on him all around. He could hear the hushed whispers of all those he'd ever cared for taunting him._

_“Look at him,_ _lying_ _in the hay like a dog.”_

_“Couldn't even save his son, all that power for naught.”_

_“Worthless, that's what he is. Filthy, too.”_

_“What a beast. Someone should have put him down long ago.”_

_“He's nothing more than a worthless coward.”_

_“Such a waste of talents. He's a good-for-nothing shyster, just like his father.”_

_“No wonder_ _everyone else_ _left him.”_

_He tried to turn away from the voices, but they followed him and his cage was too small. He wanted to scream, to rattle the chicken wire_ _walls_ _until the whole world fell down and he could rip_ _everything_ _to shreds. But he was powerless, for she held his dagger and he could only wrap himself up in a ball and pray for his sanity to leave him at last – the blissful surrender of madness his only hope of survival, too much of a coward at this final test to last th_ _e_ _night._

_And then, suddenly, he wasn't in the cage anymore. Now he was in the forest and he was running but the words kept chasing him and no matter how fast he ran he couldn't escape them._ _O_ _h gods, was there to be no mercy? No salvation? No way to save this boy he had razed an entire world to find? He had to save his son – if he could just run a little faster maybe he could escape, but there was no hiding from the draw of the dagger and slowly he realized the voices were within him. How could he outrun himself?_

 

Rumpelstiltskin awoke with a start, his hands drawn up to partially protect his face before he realized where he was. He was in his bed in Mr. Gold's Storybrooke home, Zelena had been defeated, and there was a warm spot in the bed next to him that meant Belle was still there. He tried to force himself to relax, lowering his head to his pillow and staring at the ceiling. Zelena _had_ been defeated – it had been a long and ugly battle, but they had emerged victorious. He must hold onto that thought, for it was all that could keep him afloat. The grime had washed off, the razor burn where she had shaved him with the dagger had faded, and those he had hurt had forgiven him (little Roland included, thanks at least in part to a rather large bag of chocolates and a toy crossbow that shot darts). The nightmares had not left him, though, and Bae was still gone beyond where even magic could reach. He wasn't sure those were scars that would ever fade, and he wasn't sure he wanted them to. Bae was dead, the least his father could do was suffer for his part in that.

“Rumple?” Belle's voice was groggy with sleep and muffled by her pillow as she stirred. “Is everything okay? What time is it?”

“It's nothing, sweetheart,” he lied. “Go back to bed.”

“It's three in the morning,” Belle had lifted her head to glance at the alarm clock. “What are you doing awake?”

“I just had a bad dream,” he admitted, kissing her on the forehead. “I'll get some tea and come back to bed. I didn't mean to wake you.”

He didn't like telling Belle about his dreams, it upset her and he hated showing her this weakness, but it was pointless to lie about them. Nightmares like his were nearly impossible to conceal from a bed partner, especially from one as perceptive as she was – and he owed her the truth, he had promised it to her with the second library.

When he tossed the covers back and began to slip out of bed so as not to disturb her further, he felt her arm snake out around his waist and pull herself close to him. He could shake her off, but she'd follow him. She always followed him, no matter what hell he led her through. Instead, he lay perfectly still as she moved to press her body against his, her right arm laying heavily on his torso and her chin tucked onto his shoulder as she nuzzled his neck. She was warm and real and grounded him _here_ in her. Something in him broke at that, and he could feel the tears begin to prick at his eyes before he could even work out why he was crying.

“It was about Bae again, wasn't it?” she asked, but he knew it wasn't really a question. Of course it was about Bae, he never dreamed of anything else anymore.

Instead of pushing for an answer, Belle moved closer and pressed a kiss to his temple.

“I miss him, too,” she whispered. He could feel her breath feathering against his hair and he wrapped his arms tight around her and, turning to his side, hauled her to him. She was here, she was real, she wasn't leaving. He'd not failed her, not lost her yet.

Belle cooed soft words to him as he wept, letting him cry into her hair as her fingertips trailed delicate patterns into the skin of his arms and back. The dream finally faded into a vague sense of sadness, the sting fading with the images of captivity and the urgency of escape.

“I'm sorry, Belle,” he sighed. “I truly am.”

“What for?” she sounded genuinely confused, and he couldn't bring himself to look into her face for fear of what he might see there.

She had fallen in love with the Dark One, with a powerful sorcerer who could give her the world with a snap of his fingers. She was now tied to a man who could barely hold himself together, a man who couldn't save the one thing he'd spent three centuries seeking, a man who cried into her hair when he woke up from a bad dream. She'd loved the wolf, and now found herself left with the sheep.

Rumpelstiltskin was a man who dealt in words, who could twist them to his purposes when necessary, but he was now unable to tell her these fears that ran into the deepest, darkest parts of his soul. The fears that he had spent lifetimes burying under his power and rage, only to find them now laid bare before her.

“I'm sorry I'm not stronger,” he said instead, this half-truth easier on his tongue than the darkness that now threatened to swallow him whole. “I'm sorry I'm not the man you fell in love with.”

“Rumple...” his name a strange, choked sound in her distress as she cupped his face in her hands and forced him to look at her. “You're more that man now than you ever were before.”

“You shouldn't have to comfort me.” He tried to pull away, but she held him tight.

“You comforted me when I returned to you,” she kissed him softly. “Why shouldn't I return the favor? You _lost_ your _son._ I only knew him as my true love's child, but I still loved him so much that there are times I can't believe that the world has kept spinning without him. I can't even imagine what it was like for you.”

He tried to smile at her comfortingly, but knew it was a wasted effort. Still, she kissed him again.

“If you wake up every night for the rest of your life with nightmares,” she began, her voice as serious as he'd ever heard it. “I will wake up every night with you just to tell you that I love you and that I loved him, too. I promised you forever, and you'll have forever.”

“I love you, Belle,” he murmured. And he did. He loved her for how Bae's death had hurt her as well, he loved her for how she loved him unconditionally even when he couldn't understand why, and he loved her for how she made him want to be better than he was.

“I love you too, Rumpelstiltskin,” she sighed sleepily, letting him hold her against his chest. He heard her breath slow as she succumbed to sleep, and since he would follow his beauty to the ends of the Earth if that's where she led, he followed not long after.


End file.
